SMILE. Smile as much as you can. And then smile some more. And if you can’t smile anymore, smile because a simple thing like smiling suddenly became so difficult for you.
When I was younger, I presented a pretty gloomy face all the time. At least that’s what I was told, sometimes two or three times in one day. I simply thought if I don’t have any particular reason to show a feeling – no matter if it was a good or bad one – I should present a look that felt neutral. To me at least. In hindsight, it seems that it felt different for people looking at me.
Later, when I became a bit older, I felt like I have to look grumpy. All the tough guys had a sullen look on their face and never smiled. Conclusion: If I want to be tough, I can’t smile. Also, if I want to look busy, I can’t smile. What a fool I was.
Today, I’m still far from being an “experienced smiler”. Far from these miraculous persons who are able to present a beaming smile seemingly effortlessly at any time. Do you know such people? Even if it wasn’t always easy, I became quite good at it. Most of the time I succeed in smiling. However, why would you want to do so?
Put simply: It can make your life a whole lot better! I know this because it’s worked for me already.
Anyone who has known me long enough is aware that I’ve struggled a lot with people and social interaction in the past. While I excelled at any test I took and got good marks at school, I had great difficulties in understanding my fellow humans. So I started reading books about psychology, already at the age of eleven. And this long journey is still ongoing, almost 20 years later. While my lovely significant other, a truly empathic person, was the biggest facilitator for me on that path, it was my dear uncle who gave me a book by Dale Carnegie a while ago called “How to Win Friends & Influence People”.
For those who know this book already: lucky you. For all others: I can’t recommend highly enough that you to give it a try.
It turns out that Dale Carnegie, who was a genuinely experienced person in the field of influencing people, public speaking and what drives people, devoted an entire chapter of his book to smiling, emphasizing its importance. Because he gives such a wonderful example there, I would like to quote it here:
“Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, ‘I like you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you.’ That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally, we are glad to see them. A baby’s smile has the same effect.”
I’m still working on the part about jumping out of my skin when I see someone, but I have to admit that I’ve got mixed reactions so far. Maybe the barking is a bit over the top. Anyways, a simple smile makes a lot of things a lot easier. And that’s a good thing, right? And if you take a moment to think about, don’t you like to see someone smiling at you? I know, I know, it’s even nicer if the one smiling at you is from the opposite gender and, even better, attractive. But still, don’t you like it anyway?
A smile can make a negotiation easier. It can be relieving for someone having a hard day. It can make a harsh truth more likely to be accepted. It can save you a lot of trouble in most social interactions and more. Because people like it if you come up to them in a friendly way. Think for yourself, with whom are you more likely to make a deal: Someone who approaches you in a way where everything says, “We might be able to negotiate something out, but I highly doubt it” or a friendly, smiling person who is starting with the statement that they are happy to see you and, for example, thanks you for your time, showing respect and empathy?
So, I hope that you agree with me when I say that smiling is a good thing. Notably, there is a scientific background that we can add to this. Most of you are aware of the fact that we, as humans, communicate using our whole body. Our face is still considered the most important tool to facilitate successful emotional communication in social interactions. It easily conveys a diverse range of intentional and emotional states. Research shows that, independent of age, race and culture, humans observing a facial expression or gesture tend to imitate it. This behavior is known as “facial mimicry”. So what happens if you smile at someone? You’re right: They instinctively tend to smile back, making the interaction more pleasant. The other person will most likely interpret your smiling as trustworthy, familiar, more attractive and kind, as opposed to neutral or frowning because this mimicry goes beyond a facial expression. This imitation of the observed facial expression activates brain regions like the cingulate cortex, the hippocampus and the limbic system. As a result, both the person who smiles and the person who reacts to it are involved in the activation of mirror neurons, a neural network that responds to actions observed or mimicked in other human beings. In other words, the thing that makes you yawn if you see another person yawning.
Another noteworthy fact is that humans thrive in environments where most social interactions are based on positive emotional communication, which seems important to me personally if we think about topics like corporate culture and the facilitating of teamwork. And I’m definitely not the only one who thinks that. Gary Vaynerchuk, for example, recently released a video saying that “the only sin and the quickest way to get fired from Vaynermedia is to not figure out a way to play nice with the other boys and girls”. In research showing that superior leaders create up to three times more opportunities for laughter in their workplace in contrast to non-superior leaders, we can find evidence for this as well.
But it’s not only the brains of others where we can find a reason to smile. Probably, we have all heard the phrase “fake it till you make it”. But what happens if we fake a smile?
To be clear: Do not try this on other people! Whenever you’re smiling at a real human being try to find a honest reason to smile. And if you can’t find a reason to smile about that person, just think about something like your favorite joke, perhaps. What I’m talking about is the benefits of a smile for yourself, despite the fact of whether it’s faked or not. It is known that the action of smiling releases neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin and endorphins. Those are three of four neurotransmitters, together with oxytocin as the fourth, that are considered most responsible for happiness and a good mood. If that’s not enough already, here is another advantage. The release of these neurotransmitters is also known to reduce the level of cortisol, a steroid hormone. This hormone is produced by the adrenal glands that are on top of each kidney and is highly related to bodily stress levels.
And we all know, distress is a huge issue for people these days with symptoms such as “burn-out syndrome” that I would like to return to in another article.
However, enough of those complicated words. Let’s return to our simple smile. There are various reasons to smile. The smile after you achieved something, when you’re happy, and most of them are good enough to do so. Amusing side note: The Germans have their own word for pleasure at the misfortune of others called “Schadenfreude”. Just pick one reason to smile, but hopefully not the last one.
My point, after all, is very simple: Find what keeps you smiling throughout the day. Get your tricks and tweaks to make it work. Don’t give up too early. I’m serious when I say that when I started to do this, I even struggled because my face muscles were suddenly hurting! But let me assure you, after a while you’ll feel a positive impact. And, if not, I promise I’ll give you everything back that you invested:
A smile.
